CHRISTMAS 2010

Scott/Erickson/Haugen Christmas Prayer
December 25, 2010

Father, you have blessed this family liberally. In the past you have enriched our lives with health, wealth, love and peace that passes all understanding. This year we saw health fail for Janice/Mom/Grandma, and wealth is never assured. But love and peace can never be taken from us because they are eternal and come from the One whose entrance into our world we celebrate today. It is that Love which brings us together and that Peace which assures us that Mom is more than okay in Your presence. Because You entered our world and suffered all that we suffer and more; because You shed the blood required for sin, we have assurance that we are a family that will be together forever. “And so we concentrate not on the things which are seen, but the things which are unseen; for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are unseen are eternal.” ( II Cor 4:18) We give You our lives and thank you for every day of good health You allow. We give You our hearts and permission to guide our lives according to Your will; not ours. We give You our thanks and ask for Your protection from the grief that sometimes sweeps over us and threatens to disable us. We give You our praise because You are the Eternal King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Christmas is about You. Thank you for all You give us, including the food we are about to eat. Finally we lift up those who are suffering in so many ways in so many parts of this world, including many who are very close to us. May they find the peace You have given us. Praise you for the Hope that is in the baby in the manger and the man on the cross by whom death is defeated.
In the name of the babe in the manger….. Jesus ….. Amen

Jennifer's Letter

My pseudo sister, Debra, is currently in a “Surviving the Holidays” Grief Share class and on her prompting I am writing this letter to my friends and family to help you understand where I may be coming from during this holiday season.

As I have been on the perimeter of this great loss, many of you may not fully understand the depth of sadness I feel and why. Janice was not only my absolute best friend and person I turned to for advice but she was my Bakersfield Mom. In her eyes (and mine) I was family and I never felt anything less. She incorporated my family into every holiday and every day get together as if we were her very own. I would enjoy watching her give to others, knowing she was training me for the same. Thus as this first Thanksgiving/Christmas season without her is upon us, I find it difficult to feel joy. While I understand the true meaning of the season is the birth of our glorious Savior, the everyday joy is truly hard to feel. There is a big hole this holiday season. I don’t really feel like singing or celebrating or setting up the tree or decorating or even pretending to be excited. Most days I feel like crying (and I do) because a huge part of my life is missing. I cry for my pseudo family: Debra, Lisa, Kristi and Dad (and their families) the most, but I also cry for my children and myself and the deep loss that we feel. While I may not feel like singing and celebrating, you will see me moving forward attempting to find and remember the joy that Janice found in the season primarily for my children. However, please know that if you see me down or even with tears in my eyes, I really don’t need your words that she is in a better place or I will see her again - I already know - I just need your understanding, your continued prayers for the Scott family and maybe if you think about it for mine, and a hug or two along the way. Thank you for being there and understanding.

Jennifer

Lisa' Letter

Dear Friends and Family,

I was given a task by my sister to write about how this holiday season will look for me in light of the loss of my mom. In Grief Share she was encouraged to write a letter to those who love her to allow them to see a bit of her heart and struggle during this time of the year. After reading hers and praying through what that looked like for me, I conceded and decided it might be useful for you all to know what I am feeling during this time and how best to love me in this.
The Thanksgiving/Christmas season has always been one that our family has looked forward to with great anticipation. Our house was always full of people and decked out in the finest Christmas decorations. To me it meant spending time with the people that loved me the most and believing that I had been blessed beyond belief with the incredible family that the Lord had given me. My mom played a huge part of that. She had a heart for others and many times we had people sitting around our table that needed a place to feel loved during the holidays or she would load up the van and deliver Christmas to a family that would not otherwise have Christmas. This year our Christmas will be missing that. She isn’t here to load up the van or invite others in. Her house will be devoid of Christmas decorations because it is way too difficult to my dad and Deb to pull them out and put them up.
The void I feel is huge. I can hardly make it through a day without falling apart because I miss her so much. I can be driving down the street and suddenly in tears because I have seen something that has reminded me of her or I have heard a song on the radio that reminds me of her. The void will be much greater during this Christmas season. While I know Christmas is about the birth of my Savior, it has always been the holiday that reminds me most of my mom. I feel numb and cannot seem to find the joy for Christmas that I have had during the past 40 years. I know that that joy will return someday, but for now I have such great sorrow. This is a loss that I won’t get over quickly and I need you to know that I may need to just be sad this season. So many of you have prayed for our family and I ask that you continue, especially during this time. However, I ask that you just allow me to be sad. Don’t feel like you need to cheer me up or not ask how I am, for fear of my answer. I will be OK, because I know that my true joy comes from the Lord, but I need to grieve this loss and feel these emotions. I may need a bit more patience and perhaps a hug. I may not be as attentive to your needs during this time and it is not because I do not care or love you. It is because it is all I can do to make it through the day without falling apart because of the pain of my loss and I just can’t give you what you need at that moment. Don’t feel like you have to have the right answers or that you even need to say anything. I know the right answers; I just need to know that it’s OK for me to feel the way I do.
You all are a huge part of my life and I am so thankful that I have people that can allow me to work through all this without feeling like I have to hide my feelings. I will need prayer and I am not good at asking for that. So as you think of it, please keep me, my sisters and my dad in your prayers. We need them and we need healing that only the Lord can bring. Thank you for loving me and my family so well.

Lisa

The Holidays 2010

This is a letter sent by Debra to her friends.

Hello All,

As most of you know, these next couple of weeks I am attending a Grief Share Class which is focusing on Surviving the Holidays. I know, as my friends who love and care for me, you can understand what a difficult period this will be for me and my family. In the class they suggested I write a letter to family and friends to express what I’m suffering from and what to expect so you have a clear understanding on how to react to me.
Let me start by explaining what Christmas is going to be for me this year. Mom and I always picked a couple of families every year to buy Christmas for. We always took the mother of this family shopping for her family and also supplied her with a couple of gifts. We have done this together since I can remember. This year Dad has chosen the families, which is great, but I will be taking the family alone. This was always a great day for Mom and me. We had lunch and shopped til we dropped and it was so much fun and filled with a great feeling of blessedness as we blessed others. It hurts my heart that she won’t be with me this year and brings a sense of dread instead of excitement. This truly was Mom’s favorite part of Christmas. She LOVED giving to others. It filled her with such joy. I am so sad that I won’t be experiencing this with her ever again. But, I will honor her and carry on her work; it’s just going to be difficult this year.
If you knew my mother, you knew that she was Mrs. Christmas. She has always had the most beautifully decorated house. Everything on her tree was hand made by her or my grandma. My entire life Mom has made Christmas beautiful for us. Mom’s home became more festive and elegant as the years passed. Even as an adult I felt that was my true home at Christmas and LOVED all she did. This year the house will be empty of Christmas. It is too difficult and painful for Dad to put up Christmas. There will be no tree, no lights, no angels and Santas everywhere. One nativity set will go up and maybe her handmade stockings but that is all. No lights outside and no annoying loud Santa face saying “ho, ho, ho” as we walk through the garage door. This year it is just too hard for Dad and I understand and respect that. For me, it’s like losing Mom all over again. Christmas was such a large piece of her and my memory of her and this year I will be void of most of it.
Which brings me to you all: Please know there are really no words or actions you can do to make this less painful. The loss of Mom still weighs heavy on my heart and the grief is still profoundly painful. For me, it still feels like yesterday that she died. So please keep praying for me and my family. This is going to be a long journey before the healing. However, I truly feel the prayers and the Comfort and Peace only My Savior can give. I need no profound words of Mom being in heaven and singing and rejoicing for Christmas this year. This I know and believe but it still hurts not having her with me here on earth. I need no speeches about faith and time healing all things or she’s in a better place. I simply need your prayers, your patients and your understanding. My help and my hope comes from the Lord. This I know. Please feel free to ask about Mom and how I’m doing. Please feel free to allow me to talk with you about her and PLEASE feel free to celebrate this holiday alongside me. Just know I will have these rolling waves of grief and when I cry it’s ok. A hug and your love is all I need. Thanks for all you love and prayers. God is Good all the time, even in my suffering. My assurance comes knowing I will see Mom again. Thank you for letting me share this now very long note to ya’ll.
Happy Holidays
Love, Debra

THREE MONTHS

Another friend at church, Chuck, lost his wife Minnetta, suddenly this weekend. That’s three of us in as many months. I know that Chuck is hurting right now. It’s Halloween, and exactly three months since Janice died. Seems fitting. She hated Halloween. It’s represents everything she was not. Three months is such a short time, yet it seems that she has been gone such a long time. The question that I get continually is, “How are you doing?” The answer most want to hear is that I’m doing fine, and mostly I am. The physical pain (that Chuck is now feeling) left awhile ago and the new normal is becoming more familiar. I have waded through most of the legal things that needed to be dealt with, paid all the funeral expenses, and took a great trip to Texas. Debra and I have spent a lot of time together working through the process, and I hear often from Kristi and Lisa. It actually hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it might be. And then …… then a wave will hit me out of the blue, taking me by surprise and almost knocking me to my knees. It is not even precipitated by anything identifiable; not like the “trigger” the grief books talk about. I am surrounded by a house saturated with Janice, and I’m okay. It’s often a rogue wave that has no reason and isn’t anticipated. To be sure, there are times that I know will be hard; like visiting Shauna at the cancer center, or presenting Celebrate Recovery memorial Bibles to Janice's last Step group. But other times are unpredictable; driving down the freeway, or walking on the treadmill at the gym, or just sitting somewhere. But they are short lived “…and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding…” (Phil.:7) returns.

One of the verses I heard Janice use so much was 2 Cor 4:8-9; “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed….” I believe that is true of this family. We have been hurt deeply, but we have not been overcome. Debra says that is the covering of prayer from all those who have supported us in so many ways. I believe she is right. We are very thankful for all the people who tell us they are continuing to pray. Please do so; it’s not over yet. We will continue the process and take whatever the Lord brings our way. Without Him there would be no hope. If you know Chuck, give him and his family those same prayers.

Kent

THE DREAM

Hello everyone,
Today's blog entry will be from me, Debra. The first I have ever posted. While, I've been reading the blog, I haven't chosen to put in an entry. Not my thing, I guess. However, Dad asked me to write today and so how can I say "no," especially, because of a powerful answer to his prayer all because of my dream.
First I want to express how heartbreaking and difficult it has been living my life without my mother. There was no one on earth who loved me more and to have that love absent (at least in this world) is deeply missed. However, I feel all the prayers being prayed on my behalf for comfort and peace. The Lord is most assuredly holding me up and answering prayers.
Speaking of answered prayer, this brings me to Dad. Ever since Mom passed I have been having vivid dreams that she is back and alive. I'm so stunned and excited in my dream but then awake to the reality that Mom isn't alive. My mind kept saying to me, "She's dead in the gound!" (perhaps that is what the enemy was saying to me). She cannot be back. The chance for that miracle is gone. We all prayed for that miracle and it was unanswered. I'm then left feeling hopeless and so very sad. I tell Dad when I have these dreams and he seems concerned but knows there is nothing any of us can do. Last night I had another dream. However this dream was different. Yes, it was Mom but not back and alive but from heaven. I was talking with her and asking her questions. The one I specifically remember, I asked if she remembers me or thinks of us or worries about me?" She said, "Know you and remember you here in Heaven, yes! But worry about you, no. " I awoke with that and felt a peace this time. Much different from the other dreams. Like always, I told Dad. He immediatly became teary eyed and showed me an entry he had written in his journal back on Sept 1st. Apparently, Dad(along with all of us) has been very frustrated with the silence of God and the seemingly unanswered prayers. Pastor Kevin told Dad to pray for a specific sign and he truly believed God would do so. So Dad prayed that I would have dream of Mom and know that she was in Heaven and ok. Dad never spoke of this prayer for a sign. He simply prayed it and wrote it in his journal. So today I wondered in and casually mentioned the dream to Dad. Now I know why he immediatly teared. God answered his EXACT prayer and gave him the EXACT sign he asked for. Praise God for He is faithful and good all the time. And OH HOW HE LOVES US!!!!! God Bless everyone. Today I feel very blessed to be the instrument God used for an answered prayer.

Eulogies

It has been a month now. The physical hurt has eased a bit, but the hole in our stomachs remains, and, as Lisa said, it will for a very long time. We are, in fact, maintaining with the help of our Lord and a lot of people still praying for us. We will make it through, but there's still a lot of rough sailing ahead.

I have learned that we have some new readers of the blog, and many of you were unable to attend the funeral, so I'm going to post the eulogies we, her family, gave at the service. Unfortunately, Debra's was written in long hand, so I don't have it. But below are the rest of us, including Kelly, our foster daughter who represented all the suto-daughters.

Kristi:
On behalf of my family, we would like to thank everyone who has come today to remember my Mother and her life. My mom would be humbled by the amount of love and adoration given to her today

When I thought about what to say on behalf of myself and my family, my mind surfed through so many beautiful memories. I saw the time she came to my home after my son Scotty was born and the relief I felt knowing she was there with me. I remembered our back and forth banter shared as she sat in her chair watching home shows, cops shows or America’s Top Chef. I heard her unique and wonderful laugh. When I was about 17 we went on a family sky trip to Montana As we stood at the bottom of the slope waiting for my Dad, she began talking to a woman who was standing beside us telling her how great a skier my father was. As she sang his praises, a giant snowball, which turned out to be my father, came rolling down the hill and landed right in front of us. I don’t remember if she admitted if it was my Dad or not but her laughter rang out for everyone to hear. I will so miss that sound.

Debbie asked me a little over a week ago to identify the legacy Mom has left for me. What a difficult question. As I grappled with my memories and emotions, her life came down to one thing for me….. a life of faithfulness. When money was tight, there was never conflict because the Lord provided. When conflicts between family members, friends or neighbors arose, there was never bitterness or grudges formed. When my grandmother Corynne passed away, I watched my own mother lean upon our Lord in faithfulness. My sisters and I can each remember our own individual moments with mom when she gently brought us back onto the road so sadly traveled by few. Her love for the Lord was unfailing and my Dad can attest to her amazing growth over the past two years that prepared her for this journey. The week she was in the hospital, I found a picture in her journal she had drawn. It was her laying face down in our Lord’s hand. I believe this was the way she viewed her life as she moved through her joys and heartaches.

I leave you this Proverbs 31:26-31. Many of you know it as the Epilogue written by a King who received wise teachings from his own mother.

I love you Mom.


Lisa:
Let me start with this verse: I John 4:11-12 “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

This verse is a great representation of the way my mom lived her life. She was a great reminder to me and so many others that we ought to love all people. I have seen my mom loving people my entire life. It didn’t matter the social status of a person. She could love a socialite, as well as a homeless drug addict on the street. Her love for people was never partial. This was not of my mom’s own power but rather because of the love that she had for the Lord. It was the Lord that helped her to love all. It was because of Him that she loved. Her love for those that seemed unlovable is the thing that I most admired in her. Whether it was a student that nobody wanted in their classroom or a young lady that most had given up on, she loved them all.
She and dad have passed this type of love on to each of their daughters. We have had an incredible example of what it means to love people. She underlined this statement in her devotion, “God’s love to me is inexhaustible, and I must love others from the bedrock of God’s love to me”. She was a faithful example of this. Was it always easy to love others? NO, but that did not stop her from doing it. I never doubted how much she loved me nor did I doubt her love for others. I am proud to be her daughter and thankful that she taught me to love Christ first and then extend that love to others.

Kelly:
Well, I was the first of many to come. I came to live with Kent and Janice and three very young girls, when I was a young teenager in 1975. I recall being very scared as Kent brought me home; Janice didn’t have a clue that he would not be coming home alone. I had so many things going through my head, strongest being what the heck she would be thinking as he walked in the door with this shaggy troubled young girl. Rejection was a regular thing to me in those days, so I was prepared for an unwelcome introduction and another trip down the road. What I found was this most amazing woman who welcomed me with open arms. Life was tough and very scary for me in those days and I recall the many late night talks Janice and I had, most of them tear filled and emotional, we would sit in the middle of room on the floor to talk to cry to laugh and to pray. She spent countless nights praying and talking with me, I know many times she went to bed frustrated and praying for guidance to get through to me. I challenged her many times in the beginning as I just knew if I messed up enough they would send me down the road and I could survive this experience with the least amount of pain possible. But that was not to happen. She informed me that I was hers and I was there to stay and no amount of messing up would get me sent down the road. With continued persistence and prayer she reached me, she showed me a mother’s unconditional love, with her love and support I was able to grow into a secure woman that loves the lord. Many many times over the past years I have thanked her for all she had done for me, never one time did she accept credit for any of it, she always praised our lord and gave all the credit to him. So to all the pseudo daughters that followed I am proud to say I was the first and I must not have been too bad as she continued to reach out and change the lives of many young women over the past 35 plus years, and to my momma Janice, I love you and I will miss you everyday for the rest of my life and thank you to our Lord Jesus Christ for bringing you into my life.


Kent:
I wrote this on Aug. 1, 2010, the morning after the Lord took Janice with Him. It was written after the last page she wrote in her last journal.

My beloved Janice, may I borrow a page in your journal to express how much I love that you loved your Lord and how important it is to me today that you were completely dependent upon and trusting of your Jesus? Yesterday you left me and it broke my heart. But I can’t even imagine what your life is like this morning.
“Eye has not seen nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”
(1 Cor 2:9)

And love Him you did. I have watched you in your big recliner for the past two years as you grew closer and closer to Him. You said He was preparing you for something. Now we know what that was. He drug you through the mud as He broke my heart watching you. But He knew my heart needed broken in order to break my pride. I’m so sorry it took your suffering to do that. I am no longer ashamed of my tears, and they are profuse for you.

This morning I read James 2:1
“My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord of Glory, with partiality.”
That verse is so exemplified in you. You had such love for those who are hurting and struggling. You loved your Celebrate Recovery girls. You loved Christmas because it gave you an opportunity to give gifts to those who wouldn’t get any. It is God’s money and you loved giving it to those He loves. If someone says “you are amazing”, you would say, “No, I have an amazing God.” If anyone wants to honor you I know you would say, “Honor my Savior.” If anyone wants to emulate you I know you would say, “Only emulate my love and dependence upon my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.” But I am so thankful you are in His presence this morning. No more chemo, no more sickness, no more weakness. Will we make it? Of course, because you taught us to place our dependence upon Him only. We are hurting badly, but we don’t grieve as “…others who have no hope.” (1 Thes 4:13) You are His and so are we.

Yesterday, as you were escorted into His presence, there is no doubt you heard,
“Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord.” (Matt 25:23)
And I can visualize your great joy as you offered your rewards back to Jesus, your great God.

Thank you for the great run we had Babe. You and I know that you were far from perfect, but we’ll save those stories for another day. I was always amazed that someone as beautiful as you, the Military Ball Queen of Williston, ND, would spend her life with me. I thought I loved you more than anyone else could. But there is One who loves you with an even greater love. I’ll see you both soon. Perhaps sooner than we think.