Our Living God (Dad)

03/01/2010
I have been thinking about something since Friday morning, after the good news on Thursday, that may be the hardest concept yet to put into words that are understandable. I feel somewhat unqualified to express what I’m thinking because it is not my body the cancer is in. But Scripture says that man and wife are “one flesh” (Gen 3:24). I will not physically feel the pain, but what happens to Janice happens to me. I would truly rather it be me, but we weren’t given that choice. If you are a follower of Jesus the Christ, and if you have gone through some very difficult and emotional times, you probably already know the concept that God does His best in adversity, and the more extreme the adversity, the more His presence is known. I have read it in Scripture and books and heard it expressed in sermons. But three weeks ago I could not have understood. When we were left wondering what the doctor would say about the severity of the cancer, we had never felt the presence of the Living God the way we did then. The day after the good news, something left me. It wasn’t Him that left; it was me. I walked away from all that dependence I had in Him and started feeling that things were kind of in control again. The intensity of the crisis wasn’t there as much and the intensity of my dependence in Him had diminished. I really don’t want that to happen. Knowing that we still have a long battle ahead, I hesitated to tell Janice how I was feeling, especially since it’s her that has to go through the pain. But what do you know? She was feeling the same thing. It’s not that we need God any less, or that we don’t intellectually understand our complete dependence upon God’s grace for our next breath; it’s just the intensity that was lost. This morning I talked to a friend who has been through a long battle with breast cancer. She knew exactly what I was talking about and said she felt the same thing after recovery. You pray for, and praise God for recovery, but you really lose something when it happens. Then she said something I liked; “I think what we feel of God when we are in the midst of the storm is a bit of what heaven is really like.” Yeah… that’s it. It is something we can only feel when we are totally submersed in Christ; and facing death will do that. When we realize we’re going to live a bit longer, it backs off. He doesn’t back off; we do. My prayer now is not only for successful surgery and a completely cancer free body, but that I will never forget how close God is when we allow Him to be. One last thing; I have always thought, and always heard, that a diagnosis of cancer would be a fearful thing. It was. But after the past two weeks of seeing how the Lord uses it, I will never again dread that word. Thanks again to all of you who are praying and keeping up with us. You are an intricate part of the battle. Keep up the good work.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9 rks