April 24, 2010
“Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” I Thessalonians 5:16-18.
I start with my verse because I need to constantly remind myself of what it tells me. If I am honest, I will admit there are days where I don’t feel joyful, when I feel if I am poked or cut one more time I will lose it. But I also know that I have to go to my Lord. If I have learned nothing else these last couple of months, it is that only through Him will I have joy and peace.
He continues to give me those little miracles that remind me of His eternal presence. Last week I went into surgery for my portacath. I was told that it would be scheduled for 9:30 am. This gave me some concern because I tend to get headaches that cause nausea when I go without food or drink for too long. Then they called and said 6:30 and I knew this was the Lord, but about 15 minutes later they called back and said sorry – the procedure would not be until noon and I was not to eat anything after midnight. I texted Lisa and told her to start praying that I would not get a headache. (I have since discovered that I had many people praying for this). Would you believe that my surgery was put off until 2:00 and I never even got a hint of a headache. It was as if the Lord wanted me to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He was in control. Once again he held me by “His strong right hand”.
Now that I have the portacath my treatments can start. I will go into the cancer center on Monday at noon for the beginning of my first round of chemo. They will keep me there and give me the first drug, this is followed by a second drug which, according to them, is administrated within a 15 minute time, then they will give me a pump for the 3rd drug which I will take home with me and let it drip for about 22 hours. I return on Tuesday to go through the same procedure and then on Wednesday they disconnect the pump and I am free for the next week. I will do this for 6 months as long as my counts stay where they need to be. Our prayer now is that this will happen so I can stay on schedule. Keep me in your prayers as I start this process. Today in church a friend gave me a small devotional and the first verse I came across was this: “Be strong and brave. Don’t be afraid…and don’t be frightened, because the LORD your God will go with you. He will not leave you or forget you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 This is what I needed to hear. It never ceases to amaze me how He can speak to me through His word and give me the words I need for the place I am at that day.
Janice
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The Chamber
April 13, 2010
It has been a week of many events in my life. I was sent in on Friday to do a CAT and PET scan before I was to see an oncologist. Bakersfield has a medical center called CBCC which is Comprehensive Blood and Cancer Center. It is a huge medical complex that works closely with UCLA in the latest research on cancer and blood diseases. I found myself going for the 4th time in about month to have my body injected with radioactive isotopes. They put an IV in my arm; then took me to this little room with two recliners separated by a petition. The nurse came in and gave me an injection and told me it would have to circulate for an hour. As I am sitting there a man comes in and sits in the other recliner as they inject him. He asked if his wife could sit by him and was told, “Oh no, you’re radioactive.” That did not make me feel like this was going to be a good day. Forty-five minutes later I was taken to the CAT lab where I received another injection that came from a lead container. The CAT scan is simple and fast so it was not long and I was headed for the PET scan. They stick you on a table that is about as wide as one of my legs, strap you down, put your arms above your head, and send you into a tunnel that moves about two inches every 20 minutes. I think whoever invented this little torture chamber (my arms made me feet like I was on the rack after the first twenty minutes) probably lost several patients to insanity before he found the exact length of time a person could lay totally still in a six inch chamber with arms above the head before the mind gave way. I was just about there when the little nurse stuck her head in and told me two more minutes. It made me feel better but I think she lied to give me hope. Again, I don’t know what I would do if I could not talk to my Lord and recite scripture. It did tell me that if I have to do this often, I need to memorize more of the Word.
Ten o’clock Monday morning found me sitting reading when the phone rang and they told me to come in at 11:00. Kent was at the gym and I will be honest, I panicked. All types of things started going through my mind as to why they would want to see me so soon. It was when I looked down at my journal and saw what I was writing that I was reminded who was in control. I was reading Psalm 31:14 “But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, You are my God.” Kent made it home and as we were driving to the doctors Lisa called to ask what time my appointment was. I asked her how she knew I had an appointment as I just found out myself. She said she had it in her head that I was going to see the oncologist – in fact she had people praying all week for the appointment on Monday. Isn’t God good – He covered me with prayer even when I didn’t know I would need it. My tests were all clear – no sign of cancer. The doctor does want me to do Chemo to lessen the odds of the cancer showing up in five years. Without Chemo there is a 25% chance of it returning – with Chemo the odds go to 10 %. Today we went back to the surgeon and he will put in a portacath on Friday and we will start chemo in the next two weeks. The chemo will be done using a combination of three drugs that will be injected slowly over a 24 hour period. I will go to the center to get it started and then come home while it drips into my body; then back to the center to have it removed. This will be done every two weeks for six months. I have been so blessed in so many ways. The Lord has kept me from so many things that all I can do is thank Him for His goodness. Jeremiah 17:7 says “But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” Thanks for continuing to pray for Kent and me as we face the next step in this journey.
Janice
It has been a week of many events in my life. I was sent in on Friday to do a CAT and PET scan before I was to see an oncologist. Bakersfield has a medical center called CBCC which is Comprehensive Blood and Cancer Center. It is a huge medical complex that works closely with UCLA in the latest research on cancer and blood diseases. I found myself going for the 4th time in about month to have my body injected with radioactive isotopes. They put an IV in my arm; then took me to this little room with two recliners separated by a petition. The nurse came in and gave me an injection and told me it would have to circulate for an hour. As I am sitting there a man comes in and sits in the other recliner as they inject him. He asked if his wife could sit by him and was told, “Oh no, you’re radioactive.” That did not make me feel like this was going to be a good day. Forty-five minutes later I was taken to the CAT lab where I received another injection that came from a lead container. The CAT scan is simple and fast so it was not long and I was headed for the PET scan. They stick you on a table that is about as wide as one of my legs, strap you down, put your arms above your head, and send you into a tunnel that moves about two inches every 20 minutes. I think whoever invented this little torture chamber (my arms made me feet like I was on the rack after the first twenty minutes) probably lost several patients to insanity before he found the exact length of time a person could lay totally still in a six inch chamber with arms above the head before the mind gave way. I was just about there when the little nurse stuck her head in and told me two more minutes. It made me feel better but I think she lied to give me hope. Again, I don’t know what I would do if I could not talk to my Lord and recite scripture. It did tell me that if I have to do this often, I need to memorize more of the Word.
Ten o’clock Monday morning found me sitting reading when the phone rang and they told me to come in at 11:00. Kent was at the gym and I will be honest, I panicked. All types of things started going through my mind as to why they would want to see me so soon. It was when I looked down at my journal and saw what I was writing that I was reminded who was in control. I was reading Psalm 31:14 “But I trust in You, O Lord; I say, You are my God.” Kent made it home and as we were driving to the doctors Lisa called to ask what time my appointment was. I asked her how she knew I had an appointment as I just found out myself. She said she had it in her head that I was going to see the oncologist – in fact she had people praying all week for the appointment on Monday. Isn’t God good – He covered me with prayer even when I didn’t know I would need it. My tests were all clear – no sign of cancer. The doctor does want me to do Chemo to lessen the odds of the cancer showing up in five years. Without Chemo there is a 25% chance of it returning – with Chemo the odds go to 10 %. Today we went back to the surgeon and he will put in a portacath on Friday and we will start chemo in the next two weeks. The chemo will be done using a combination of three drugs that will be injected slowly over a 24 hour period. I will go to the center to get it started and then come home while it drips into my body; then back to the center to have it removed. This will be done every two weeks for six months. I have been so blessed in so many ways. The Lord has kept me from so many things that all I can do is thank Him for His goodness. Jeremiah 17:7 says “But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.” Thanks for continuing to pray for Kent and me as we face the next step in this journey.
Janice
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Resting in Him (mom)
April 6th, 2010
It is two weeks since my surgery and I feel a little stronger every day. I was able to go to church Easter morning and it was so good to be in the house of the Lord. It is a reminder that my God conquered not just my sin, but death and that no matter what may happen to me, I will be with Him in eternity.
We are still in a holding pattern waiting for the oncologist to get back to us. He has been in the Philippians on a Mission trip so that is good.
I’ve had lots of time to sit and think as my body heals and regains its strength. I am constantly amazed at the complete peace that my Lord continues to surround me with every day and every moment. I know there are those out there who put their trust in the power of positive thinking – pulling yourself up by the boot straps – etc., but I can’t help but wonder how they do during those dark moments in the middle of the night when they are completely alone with nothing but their own thoughts. How do they deal with the doubts, the what ifs, the fears that are just a natural part of the human experience? I know that if I could not place myself in His arms as I am reminded that “He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” Zephaniah 3:17 I would not want to face the morning. It is in the dead of night that I can hear Him singing over me causing me to rest in complete peace. His song will chase away any fear or anxiety I may feel. Psalm 63:6-8 tells me “On my bed I remember You, I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadows of Your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” To actually experience His great love for me, as I do today, makes me thankful that He has given me this time to fully understand His great love for me. When I was well I loved Him, but it was in my sickness that I truly have felt His presence and His great love for me. Would I want anyone else to go through what I am going through– no – but I will tell you that when you go through it with the Lord holding you by His right hand there is no greater blessing. So in many ways I feel as though I am one of the lucky ones who is being given the blessing of truly abiding with Him. Beth Moore makes a statement in her devotional that I like, “If nothing frightening ever happened, how could the assurance of God’s constant presence be the quieter of our fears?” As Psalm 119 says, “It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees.”
Love to you all
Janice
It is two weeks since my surgery and I feel a little stronger every day. I was able to go to church Easter morning and it was so good to be in the house of the Lord. It is a reminder that my God conquered not just my sin, but death and that no matter what may happen to me, I will be with Him in eternity.
We are still in a holding pattern waiting for the oncologist to get back to us. He has been in the Philippians on a Mission trip so that is good.
I’ve had lots of time to sit and think as my body heals and regains its strength. I am constantly amazed at the complete peace that my Lord continues to surround me with every day and every moment. I know there are those out there who put their trust in the power of positive thinking – pulling yourself up by the boot straps – etc., but I can’t help but wonder how they do during those dark moments in the middle of the night when they are completely alone with nothing but their own thoughts. How do they deal with the doubts, the what ifs, the fears that are just a natural part of the human experience? I know that if I could not place myself in His arms as I am reminded that “He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing” Zephaniah 3:17 I would not want to face the morning. It is in the dead of night that I can hear Him singing over me causing me to rest in complete peace. His song will chase away any fear or anxiety I may feel. Psalm 63:6-8 tells me “On my bed I remember You, I think of You through the watches of the night. Because You are my help, I sing in the shadows of Your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” To actually experience His great love for me, as I do today, makes me thankful that He has given me this time to fully understand His great love for me. When I was well I loved Him, but it was in my sickness that I truly have felt His presence and His great love for me. Would I want anyone else to go through what I am going through– no – but I will tell you that when you go through it with the Lord holding you by His right hand there is no greater blessing. So in many ways I feel as though I am one of the lucky ones who is being given the blessing of truly abiding with Him. Beth Moore makes a statement in her devotional that I like, “If nothing frightening ever happened, how could the assurance of God’s constant presence be the quieter of our fears?” As Psalm 119 says, “It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees.”
Love to you all
Janice
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