MUSINGS ABOUT PRAYER 05/28/2010 Dad

Now here’s the deal about prayer. I don’t understand it. I have read books about the proper methods of prayer, I have heard teaching and sermons about it; Jesus made a point to tell His disciples how to pray; and He prayed for them (Jn 17). Paul said to “…pray without ceasing…” (1 Thes. 5:17), and James tells us that, “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (Jms 5:16). Obviously, I’m not a righteous man, according to Ps 14:3 and Rom 3:10, but then who is? So, who does God listen to, and does He change His mind if the right people pray? He is the Alpha and Omega (Rev 21:6); He knows the beginning from the end. Nothing touches us that doesn’t pass through His hands first (Matt 28:20). Some of you are probably saying at this point, “I need to send Kent that book I read about prayer.” I’ve probably already read it, or one like it. I understand all the theology behind prayer, but I still don’t understand prayer. The simplest analogy my limited mind can understand is that our talking to God is like our children talking to us when they were little. We have a much better view of things than a small child and we know what is going to be best in the long run. We want them talking to us because we love them and want the communication to build the relationship. We already know what the answer is going to be, but we want them to participate because they are an intricate part of our family and who we are. But we’re not going to let them hurt themselves, unless they pester us to the point we let them hurt themselves a bit to teach a lesson. If they quit talking to us it’s because there is something wrong with the relationship. I think God wants us talking to Him, and I think He listens, and I think He responds in a way that protects us in the long run and is consistent with His sovereign attributes.

As my old friend Charlie says, I have been “pondering” this today. We’ve had a rough week, and a lot of people told us they were praying. Some would call it coincidental; some would just write it off to medical procedure. Call it whatever you like, but I believe the vast improvement in Janice’s condition the last two days has had everything to do with all of your prayers. Her white blood cell count went from 2.9 (very bad) on Monday to 7.0 (good) today with only 3 of the 10 shots they had intended to give her. They’re going to give her one more tomorrow and cancel the rest for now. After two hydration treatments she went from hardly being able to hold her head up to harassing Debra today and eating almost a whole Monster Taco from Del Taco. If all remains well, she will be able to take her chemo next week. Though I’m not sure how prayer works, I believe with all my being that it is critical, and we deeply appreciate all of you. Keep it up and thank you.

The picture below is of one of the small groups of Lisa’s sixth grade class after they chose to spend some time praying in school for Lisa’s mom. That was earlier in the week and what a difference we saw from Monday to Thursday. And, yes, my questioning friends, it is a private Christian school. They can do that kind of stuff and it meant a great deal to our family.
Kent

A HARD DAY 05/25/2010 Dad

I have told people when they are struggling that it helps to write about it. So, here I am. It’s getting tougher. Yesterday, Janice was unable to take her treatment because her white blood cells and something called “Neutrophils” have dropped through the floor. Those are the things that fight off infection, so it’s not good when that happens. They are giving her shots to make the bone marrow produce more of those little critters. They told us that it would make her fatigued, and watch out for high temperatures. Say what? We’re going to make a lady who has trouble having enough energy to walk across the floor, more fatigued? But they did, and it worked well. She spent all day on the couch until she went to bed at 6:00 PM. Also, her temp shot up to 101 deg. Praise the Lord, it did come back down. It seems like every side effect to chemo written in the book is manifesting itself in her body. Good thing she never became a dope head. The first hit probably would have been an OD. Tomorrow, we go back in for an evaluation; whatever that means. Hopefully, it means we will change some directions and make this a bit more doable. I know she can’t go another five months on the current path.

I guess I never thought it would be this hard. We were told this is not as tough a chemo regime as others. But I don’t think they took into consideration her body reaction to chemicals of any sort. I just hate watching her go through this, and I keep thinking of friends who have been through even worse. So, bear with us as we fight the battle, and keep praying. If there is anything to be learned from this perhaps it’s the lesson the Apostle Paul had to learn when he kept asking God to take away his “thorn in the flesh”, whatever that was. God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9) I don’t believe I have ever felt more helpless than I do right now, but this too will pass. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:16-18) I have that labeled in my Bible as “Helen’s verse”, after a courageous lady who influenced me greatly in the battle of cancer.
So, thanks for your prayers and thoughts. Pray that God will forgive my lack of faith and keep praying that He will use this to His benefit. I know He will.
Kent

CHEMO 3 May 24, 2010 MOM

I have put off writing until I had my scheduled chem. treatment today so I could update everyone on what is happening. My white blood count is still low so I will skip this treatment and do 10 days of shots to boost my bone marrow.

As I sit to write I can’t help but think of the verse I have chosen for this time and wonder how all I am going through fits with it. I Thessalonians 4:6 tells me to “Be joyful always” and I am joyful. I am joyful when my 6 year old granddaughter, Hannah, calls her grandma just to check on her, I am joyful when my 12 year old grandson, Josiah, sends me a card to tell me his entire Sunday School Class is praying for me and then gives me verse to hang on to, I am joyful when my 15 year old grandson, Jesse, texts me to tell me he is wearing the scarf I gave him for Christmas and it reminds him to pray for me and that he loves me; I am joyful that my three daughters and husband are there in some way everyday; I am joyful for my three sisters who call to give me their strength and love; I am joyful for friends from the past (Stones, Nancy, Heidi, &Christi Little) who have me in their prayers; I am joyful for friends who are constantly aware of my every need; and I am joyful for a church family that has surrounded, uplifted, and encouraged me by prayer, cards, and hugs.

I Thessalonians 4:17 tells me to pray continually and believe me I do. The Lord and I have spent more than a few hours conversing about my cancer. I thank Him for His presence, I question His wisdom; I cry out my frustrations, but I always come back to the great peace He has given me throughout this time. God doesn’t make mistakes so I will trust Him again and again.

I Thessalonians 4:18 tells me “give thanks in all circumstances” and I will be the first to admit that I am not always obedient to this verse. I want to know what He is teaching me and I want to know it yesterday. I want to know why He would choose someone as weak as me to proclaim His love even when fighting nausea; I want to know if my cancer will be used for His glory because this is my greatest prayer. I know my God is a God of perfect will who will reveal to me His glory in His time. I pray for patience as I give Him thanks for sustaining me for another week.

God may not react like I would have Him but He will always be true to the words in His Book and in them I can put my complete and total trust. So keep praying for me and I will keep trusting Him.
In Him,
Janice.

Second Round 05/10/2010 Dad

Today started the second round of Janice's chemo. She has been really good the past few days and I hated to see her get her legs kicked out from under her again, but such is the world of chemo. We were surprised and a bit discouraged when they told us the blood test showed a low white cell count and they were questioning whether or not to do the chemo treatment today. Every chemo patient wants to stay on schedule in order to get through in the expected time frame. Prov. 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, ...and He will direct your paths." I didn't feel much like trusting the Lord today, but He didn't leave me much choice. And, of course, He came through again. The doctor decided it wasn't that bad and to go ahead with the treatment. Then we found out her potassium level was low and we needed to get a perscription for potassium pills. The story of Walgreens and the potassium pills is another whole story that I will not bore you with now. For those of you who are praying, here is the requests: 1) That the white cell count will come up and not be a problem, and that she can stay on schedule. They said the fact that it is a problem so early in treatment means it will probably continue to be. But our Lord can fix that with no effort at all. 2) That Janice will be protected from infection, which is the problem with the white cells being down.
"He will not be afraid of evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."
Guess I need to quit getting so shook over those evil tidings. The cancer battle seems to have a fair share of them. Thanks again for the prayers. You guys are the fuel for the battle.
Kent

Hope in the Lord

May 2, 2010

My first week of chemo has come and gone with mixed results. I can honestly say it has not been the highlight of my life. Monday found me with a two hour drip that causes my cells to stop dividing. After the drip they hook me to a pump that does a 24 hour infusion into my system. I take that home with me. Tuesday I return, unhook the pump, have an hour drip that coats the good cells so they will divide (This stuff is smarter than me – it knows which cells to coat) then I am hooked back up to the pump for another 22 hours. Wednesday I go get unhooked and am free for the next week. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday found me feeling ok. Went to bed early Monday but the steroids keep me up Tuesday. Wednesday I felt well enough to go to Celebrate Recovery. Thursday found me going a little slow and by Friday and Saturday I felt like I had been run over by the world’s largest body poison polluter. I am constantly nauseous which surprises no one in my family because anytime something goes into my system, that’s how I react. I spend those two days pretty much sitting in my chair.

As I was sitting, feeling miserable, a verse I have used many times over the years came to me. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Even though I know God’s word is always true, I could not help but wonder to myself and God what good was this possibly serving. I certainly had no energy to share with anyone, I couldn’t even find the energy to pick up my Bible and read His word. It took Him a few minutes (or longer) to get through to me but I slowly realized that my being still was what He desired most. I know that every breath I take depends on God, but when I am feeling strong and healthy I don’t really give it much thought. The last two days everything I felt has been given much thought, and all given to Him. I have friends and family who love me, but I can not be complaining over every new little pain – but He will listen to me – I can’t keep them from doing what they need to do – but He will never leave my side – I can’t ask them to bring the yellow finches to my bird feeder – but He brought me a dozen of them. Kent would do anything for me, but when I just need to cry sometimes it’s only God who needs to hear – Kent gives me his love but God gives me His strength. I went to church today and every song we sang had to do with God’s glory and His giving us the strength we needed to face our day. For that I will continue to praise Him. When I took communion, it brought new tears to my eyes thinking of what my God did for me. I complain about nausea – He was beaten, spat upon, and crucified for me. So if I complain occasionally while doing this blog please be sure that I do know where it is at – that I am the arms of a loving God and He will renew my strength. Today we sang from Isaiah 40:29 “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak….but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”

Janice

The Chemo Battle

05/02/2010
I haven’t written in awhile, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been appreciative of all the people reading this blog and praying for us. We are now in the battle phase labeled “chemo-therapy”. Of course, all of us have known people who are going through it, or have gone through it. But what a difference it is to walk into their world and see the terms I have heard for years come to life ….. like “side effects” “nausea symptoms”, “appetite loss”, “weight loss”, “cell count”, “markers”, “staying on schedule”, etc., etc. I have two thoughts; chemo pretty much sucks, and thank God for chemo. It is difficult to watch my usually energetic, social wife trying to just maintain some kind of positive outlook while her body is wracked with dry heaves and she tries to find the energy to walk outside and feed the birds. Yet, I am thankful that there are treatments available which reduce the chance of recurrence down to 10%. Chemo seldom kills you, but cancer often does. So, we are learning that we live from one day to the next and adjust to what the day brings. Janice is determined not to let cancer control her life, but outside of the Lord, it certainly has an inside on influence right now. The Serenity Prayer we use in Celebrate Recovery says, “…Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it…” and Scripture says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” ( 2 Cor 1:3-4) Leaving CBCC (Comprehensive Blood and Cancer Center --- and that’s the last time I’m telling you that) the other day, we saw a lady that had been inside for a chemo treatment, waiting on the bus. They have a group that picks people up, drives them to chemo, and takes them home, but for some reason, this woman was waiting for the bus. Janice has already seen her opportunity for ministry when this is all done. So, ya’ll keep praying, and we’ll keep fighting, and we’ll get through this. Thanks always for the help.

rks