Hospital

This morning I was awakened by a phone call from Jerrel. He called to let me know that Kristi had called him and they were taking mom, by ambulance, to the hospital. She has become so weak that they couldn't get her out to the car. Along with that, she had further complications of not being able to catch her breath. It has been such a long journey for her and in my limited understanding of what God was doing in this I kept asking Him, "Why Lord, can't you just give her a break?". I have questioned why the Lord would allow a chemo plan that was suppose to be an easier chemo than most to knock my mom on her butt. It seems that every time we get one side effect in a place that is bearable, she finds another to plague her. So many times I have pleaded with the Lord to give her strength, to stop the side effects, to allow her to walk through this with no problems. Yet,for some reason, the Lord has chosen to allow her to struggle. While in my head I understand that God allows difficulty to happen in our lives to draw us closer to Him and to increase our dependence on Him, I still have had a hard time getting my heart to follow. I think that it's like that for most of us. We question God and ask Him questions that we expect answers to.
I was angry with Him this morning. I questioned why a God that is good would allow this to happen. I questioned why a God that is good would not answer my prayers in a way that I wanted them answered. So I did the only thing I knew to do, I read through the Psalms in the Bible. Oh my, God had a few things to say to me! I was searching for answers in people, in doctors and in my own understanding, all the while the answers were in scripture. I read through Psalm 33 and was comforted that I have a God that created the heavens and earth. I have a God that is right and true. I have a God that is faithful in all he does. Did you hear that?..."faithful in all he does!" That means the Lord is faithful in this. He will protect and love my mom through this when we can't. Who am I to question a God that has created the heavens and the earth? Who am I to question a God that knows the beginning from the end? All I see is the here and now. The part of Psalm 33 that stuck out to me the most is verses 20-22 "We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you."
I will put my hope in the Lord even if I don't completely understand this. I serve a mighty God, a God of miracles. Does that stop me from praying for my moms complete healing? Absolutely not! However, those prayers will be filled with the thankfulness of a mighty God along with the pleading for my moms health. He is worthy of my praise even in the difficulty. He has given me eternal life in His presence and that is more than enough to praise him for. God is good, even when life is difficult.