Lord, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done; and Janice says four way by-pass surgery was a piece of cake in comparison. How do men survive watching their wives die of cancer? Janice will get through it eventually and I truly believe she will know full recovery. But I never expected her to be so sick and weak with every side effect written in the book. I never expected to have to carry a lump around in my throat every day as I watch her in so much misery. Why is it so bad for her when many going through the same chemo regimen seem to be cruising through with few problems? The enemy is using every opportunity he can to convince us to give up. But, “…greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” (1 Jn 4:4). The key to victory in the battle has to be in getting back to the basic of all life …. Jesus Christ.
This week, an unusually bad one, I have often remembered and tried to meditate upon the first verse I was given the day of her diagnosis. I don’t like to remember that day, but I do like to remember that promise.
Isa. 43:1b-3
“Fear not for I have redeemed you…” Life is eternal, and for those who are willing to accept that gift and yield to the Giver, it’s already paid for. No matter how difficult this is, it will end. My new chemo friend, Shauna, mother of three, whose wimp of a husband left her because of her cancer, which has now spread throughout her body, has a motto. She says, I win; either way, I win.” I’m not quite there yet, but I would like to be.
“I have called you by your name; You are Mine.” Wow! That is awesome! The Creator of the universe calls me Kent, and says I belong to Him. “…He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world…” (Eph 1:4a) That is mind boggling, but a God who spoke the universe into being doesn’t seem to have much trouble understanding it.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned. Nor shall the flame scorch you.” The river has been deep and the fire pretty hot this week, but we are not alone. Nothing touches us that doesn’t pass through God’s hands first. The Lord has made His presence known in so many people who have told us they’re praying; in my girls who seem to have a knack of showing up or phoning just at the right time; in the friends who either spend time with us or offer to do so; in the nurses at CBCC who go to so much effort to try to make Janice feel better; and even in my little squirt of a dog whose laying on my lap with unconditional love as I write this. (Although I really don’t need another lick in the face).
“For I am the Lord your God, The Holy one of Israel, your Savior.” When I realize that I’m not as tough as I thought I was; when I realize just how uncontrollable life is, I am extremely grateful that Janice and I and our whole family are in the hands of the One who controls it all. That doesn’t particularly make her feel better, but it helps to put things into perspective. He truly is, “…the way, the truth and the life.” (Jn 14:4) As Shauna says, eventually, “We win!”.
As the Psalmist and song writer, Horatio Spafford ( http://www.faithclipart.com/guide/Christian-Music/hymns-the-songs-and-the-stories/it-is-well-with-my-soul-the-song-and-the-story.html ) have said, “It is well with my soul.” ….. in spite of the battle of the body.
rks
Friday, June 25, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Quick Update 06/20/2010
I thought I'd better give a quick update for those of you who keep up with us through the blog. Janice keeps telling me she plans to write, but she just never feels well enough to do so. We finished our fourth chemo series last week and it's taking it's tole. We have tried all the remedies given to us, but have just had to settle in for a long battle. There seems to be a pattern of symptems that she goes through for several days after the treatments and the nausea just never goes away. The White Blood Cell (WBC) count goes down every treatment, which means she has to go through a series of Leukine shots which have pretty nasty side effects of their own. It is discouraging to say the least and we keep praying it'll get better, but we just keep living one day at a time and look forward to that last treatment in October.
Having said all that, I have to confess that God is teaching us a lot. We are meeting so many people at CBCC and He is teaching us something through each one of them. Many are going through more than we with little hope of recovery. Our prayer list grows longer everyday. Janice does have a blog composed in her mind, and one of these days she'll be feeling well enough to write it. So, don't give up on us. two more treatments and we're half way through. Every day is a day closer. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt 6:34)
rks
Having said all that, I have to confess that God is teaching us a lot. We are meeting so many people at CBCC and He is teaching us something through each one of them. Many are going through more than we with little hope of recovery. Our prayer list grows longer everyday. Janice does have a blog composed in her mind, and one of these days she'll be feeling well enough to write it. So, don't give up on us. two more treatments and we're half way through. Every day is a day closer. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt 6:34)
rks
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
God & Kathy Jo 06/01/2010 Mom
I figured I had better give you all an update after my last blog. I was not feeling too well then, but the Lord has again shown His grace.
Kent and I went Tuesday the 25th for my WBC shot and what we thought would be a consult with the doctor. I can not remember ever feeling like I felt that morning when we entered the clinic. It turns out the doctor was busy, but the Lord sent us an angel by the name of Kathy Jo that was better than any doctor. She is a PA who knows what is happening in the real world of chemo. She immediately took us into her office and sat us down. She asked what exactly was going on and Kent told her I had every side effect know to chemo. She turned to me and said, “OK, let’s start at the beginning – tell me about the constipation. Now here sits a woman who, if you know me well, cries only in extreme circumstances. I opened my mouth to speak and found no words, just tears streaming down my face, as I desperately tried to regain some sense of composure. Finally, all I could do is point at Kent. This man sat and explained all the ins and outs of his wife’s inner workings. Now this is true love in action. Kathy wrote everything down, disappeared for a while, and came back with the doctor’s approval for her plan of action. Within minutes I found myself in a chair, saline solution being fed into my body, a blanket fresh from the warmer over my body, my prayer quilt over that, Kent’s I Pod in my ears, and I went blissfully to sleep. I went in for hydration for two days and immediately I began to feel better. I was scheduled for a series of 9 shots to bring my blood count up but the Lord had a better plan. After just two injections, my white count went from a 2.7 to 7.0. How is that for a mighty God?
I am doing much better. Went to church on Sunday and even spent the evening in the park for a church picnic. I go back for my regular treatment tomorrow and they will be followed by two days of hydration.
The verse that explains the peace and assurance I feel is Zephaniah 3:17 “the Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save, He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” This is how I feel about Him and His care for me. Keep praying and I will keep holding onto Him for my strength. Janice
Kent and I went Tuesday the 25th for my WBC shot and what we thought would be a consult with the doctor. I can not remember ever feeling like I felt that morning when we entered the clinic. It turns out the doctor was busy, but the Lord sent us an angel by the name of Kathy Jo that was better than any doctor. She is a PA who knows what is happening in the real world of chemo. She immediately took us into her office and sat us down. She asked what exactly was going on and Kent told her I had every side effect know to chemo. She turned to me and said, “OK, let’s start at the beginning – tell me about the constipation. Now here sits a woman who, if you know me well, cries only in extreme circumstances. I opened my mouth to speak and found no words, just tears streaming down my face, as I desperately tried to regain some sense of composure. Finally, all I could do is point at Kent. This man sat and explained all the ins and outs of his wife’s inner workings. Now this is true love in action. Kathy wrote everything down, disappeared for a while, and came back with the doctor’s approval for her plan of action. Within minutes I found myself in a chair, saline solution being fed into my body, a blanket fresh from the warmer over my body, my prayer quilt over that, Kent’s I Pod in my ears, and I went blissfully to sleep. I went in for hydration for two days and immediately I began to feel better. I was scheduled for a series of 9 shots to bring my blood count up but the Lord had a better plan. After just two injections, my white count went from a 2.7 to 7.0. How is that for a mighty God?
I am doing much better. Went to church on Sunday and even spent the evening in the park for a church picnic. I go back for my regular treatment tomorrow and they will be followed by two days of hydration.
The verse that explains the peace and assurance I feel is Zephaniah 3:17 “the Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save, He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” This is how I feel about Him and His care for me. Keep praying and I will keep holding onto Him for my strength. Janice
Thursday, May 27, 2010
MUSINGS ABOUT PRAYER 05/28/2010 Dad
Now here’s the deal about prayer. I don’t understand it. I have read books about the proper methods of prayer, I have heard teaching and sermons about it; Jesus made a point to tell His disciples how to pray; and He prayed for them (Jn 17). Paul said to “…pray without ceasing…” (1 Thes. 5:17), and James tells us that, “The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (Jms 5:16). Obviously, I’m not a righteous man, according to Ps 14:3 and Rom 3:10, but then who is? So, who does God listen to, and does He change His mind if the right people pray? He is the Alpha and Omega (Rev 21:6); He knows the beginning from the end. Nothing touches us that doesn’t pass through His hands first (Matt 28:20). Some of you are probably saying at this point, “I need to send Kent that book I read about prayer.” I’ve probably already read it, or one like it. I understand all the theology behind prayer, but I still don’t understand prayer. The simplest analogy my limited mind can understand is that our talking to God is like our children talking to us when they were little. We have a much better view of things than a small child and we know what is going to be best in the long run. We want them talking to us because we love them and want the communication to build the relationship. We already know what the answer is going to be, but we want them to participate because they are an intricate part of our family and who we are. But we’re not going to let them hurt themselves, unless they pester us to the point we let them hurt themselves a bit to teach a lesson. If they quit talking to us it’s because there is something wrong with the relationship. I think God wants us talking to Him, and I think He listens, and I think He responds in a way that protects us in the long run and is consistent with His sovereign attributes.
As my old friend Charlie says, I have been “pondering” this today. We’ve had a rough week, and a lot of people told us they were praying. Some would call it coincidental; some would just write it off to medical procedure. Call it whatever you like, but I believe the vast improvement in Janice’s condition the last two days has had everything to do with all of your prayers. Her white blood cell count went from 2.9 (very bad) on Monday to 7.0 (good) today with only 3 of the 10 shots they had intended to give her. They’re going to give her one more tomorrow and cancel the rest for now. After two hydration treatments she went from hardly being able to hold her head up to harassing Debra today and eating almost a whole Monster Taco from Del Taco. If all remains well, she will be able to take her chemo next week. Though I’m not sure how prayer works, I believe with all my being that it is critical, and we deeply appreciate all of you. Keep it up and thank you.
The picture below is of one of the small groups of Lisa’s sixth grade class after they chose to spend some time praying in school for Lisa’s mom. That was earlier in the week and what a difference we saw from Monday to Thursday. And, yes, my questioning friends, it is a private Christian school. They can do that kind of stuff and it meant a great deal to our family.
Kent
As my old friend Charlie says, I have been “pondering” this today. We’ve had a rough week, and a lot of people told us they were praying. Some would call it coincidental; some would just write it off to medical procedure. Call it whatever you like, but I believe the vast improvement in Janice’s condition the last two days has had everything to do with all of your prayers. Her white blood cell count went from 2.9 (very bad) on Monday to 7.0 (good) today with only 3 of the 10 shots they had intended to give her. They’re going to give her one more tomorrow and cancel the rest for now. After two hydration treatments she went from hardly being able to hold her head up to harassing Debra today and eating almost a whole Monster Taco from Del Taco. If all remains well, she will be able to take her chemo next week. Though I’m not sure how prayer works, I believe with all my being that it is critical, and we deeply appreciate all of you. Keep it up and thank you.
The picture below is of one of the small groups of Lisa’s sixth grade class after they chose to spend some time praying in school for Lisa’s mom. That was earlier in the week and what a difference we saw from Monday to Thursday. And, yes, my questioning friends, it is a private Christian school. They can do that kind of stuff and it meant a great deal to our family.
Kent
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
A HARD DAY 05/25/2010 Dad
I have told people when they are struggling that it helps to write about it. So, here I am. It’s getting tougher. Yesterday, Janice was unable to take her treatment because her white blood cells and something called “Neutrophils” have dropped through the floor. Those are the things that fight off infection, so it’s not good when that happens. They are giving her shots to make the bone marrow produce more of those little critters. They told us that it would make her fatigued, and watch out for high temperatures. Say what? We’re going to make a lady who has trouble having enough energy to walk across the floor, more fatigued? But they did, and it worked well. She spent all day on the couch until she went to bed at 6:00 PM. Also, her temp shot up to 101 deg. Praise the Lord, it did come back down. It seems like every side effect to chemo written in the book is manifesting itself in her body. Good thing she never became a dope head. The first hit probably would have been an OD. Tomorrow, we go back in for an evaluation; whatever that means. Hopefully, it means we will change some directions and make this a bit more doable. I know she can’t go another five months on the current path.
I guess I never thought it would be this hard. We were told this is not as tough a chemo regime as others. But I don’t think they took into consideration her body reaction to chemicals of any sort. I just hate watching her go through this, and I keep thinking of friends who have been through even worse. So, bear with us as we fight the battle, and keep praying. If there is anything to be learned from this perhaps it’s the lesson the Apostle Paul had to learn when he kept asking God to take away his “thorn in the flesh”, whatever that was. God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9) I don’t believe I have ever felt more helpless than I do right now, but this too will pass. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:16-18) I have that labeled in my Bible as “Helen’s verse”, after a courageous lady who influenced me greatly in the battle of cancer.
So, thanks for your prayers and thoughts. Pray that God will forgive my lack of faith and keep praying that He will use this to His benefit. I know He will.
Kent
I guess I never thought it would be this hard. We were told this is not as tough a chemo regime as others. But I don’t think they took into consideration her body reaction to chemicals of any sort. I just hate watching her go through this, and I keep thinking of friends who have been through even worse. So, bear with us as we fight the battle, and keep praying. If there is anything to be learned from this perhaps it’s the lesson the Apostle Paul had to learn when he kept asking God to take away his “thorn in the flesh”, whatever that was. God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9) I don’t believe I have ever felt more helpless than I do right now, but this too will pass. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Cor 4:16-18) I have that labeled in my Bible as “Helen’s verse”, after a courageous lady who influenced me greatly in the battle of cancer.
So, thanks for your prayers and thoughts. Pray that God will forgive my lack of faith and keep praying that He will use this to His benefit. I know He will.
Kent
Monday, May 24, 2010
CHEMO 3 May 24, 2010 MOM
I have put off writing until I had my scheduled chem. treatment today so I could update everyone on what is happening. My white blood count is still low so I will skip this treatment and do 10 days of shots to boost my bone marrow.
As I sit to write I can’t help but think of the verse I have chosen for this time and wonder how all I am going through fits with it. I Thessalonians 4:6 tells me to “Be joyful always” and I am joyful. I am joyful when my 6 year old granddaughter, Hannah, calls her grandma just to check on her, I am joyful when my 12 year old grandson, Josiah, sends me a card to tell me his entire Sunday School Class is praying for me and then gives me verse to hang on to, I am joyful when my 15 year old grandson, Jesse, texts me to tell me he is wearing the scarf I gave him for Christmas and it reminds him to pray for me and that he loves me; I am joyful that my three daughters and husband are there in some way everyday; I am joyful for my three sisters who call to give me their strength and love; I am joyful for friends from the past (Stones, Nancy, Heidi, &Christi Little) who have me in their prayers; I am joyful for friends who are constantly aware of my every need; and I am joyful for a church family that has surrounded, uplifted, and encouraged me by prayer, cards, and hugs.
I Thessalonians 4:17 tells me to pray continually and believe me I do. The Lord and I have spent more than a few hours conversing about my cancer. I thank Him for His presence, I question His wisdom; I cry out my frustrations, but I always come back to the great peace He has given me throughout this time. God doesn’t make mistakes so I will trust Him again and again.
I Thessalonians 4:18 tells me “give thanks in all circumstances” and I will be the first to admit that I am not always obedient to this verse. I want to know what He is teaching me and I want to know it yesterday. I want to know why He would choose someone as weak as me to proclaim His love even when fighting nausea; I want to know if my cancer will be used for His glory because this is my greatest prayer. I know my God is a God of perfect will who will reveal to me His glory in His time. I pray for patience as I give Him thanks for sustaining me for another week.
God may not react like I would have Him but He will always be true to the words in His Book and in them I can put my complete and total trust. So keep praying for me and I will keep trusting Him.
In Him,
Janice.
As I sit to write I can’t help but think of the verse I have chosen for this time and wonder how all I am going through fits with it. I Thessalonians 4:6 tells me to “Be joyful always” and I am joyful. I am joyful when my 6 year old granddaughter, Hannah, calls her grandma just to check on her, I am joyful when my 12 year old grandson, Josiah, sends me a card to tell me his entire Sunday School Class is praying for me and then gives me verse to hang on to, I am joyful when my 15 year old grandson, Jesse, texts me to tell me he is wearing the scarf I gave him for Christmas and it reminds him to pray for me and that he loves me; I am joyful that my three daughters and husband are there in some way everyday; I am joyful for my three sisters who call to give me their strength and love; I am joyful for friends from the past (Stones, Nancy, Heidi, &Christi Little) who have me in their prayers; I am joyful for friends who are constantly aware of my every need; and I am joyful for a church family that has surrounded, uplifted, and encouraged me by prayer, cards, and hugs.
I Thessalonians 4:17 tells me to pray continually and believe me I do. The Lord and I have spent more than a few hours conversing about my cancer. I thank Him for His presence, I question His wisdom; I cry out my frustrations, but I always come back to the great peace He has given me throughout this time. God doesn’t make mistakes so I will trust Him again and again.
I Thessalonians 4:18 tells me “give thanks in all circumstances” and I will be the first to admit that I am not always obedient to this verse. I want to know what He is teaching me and I want to know it yesterday. I want to know why He would choose someone as weak as me to proclaim His love even when fighting nausea; I want to know if my cancer will be used for His glory because this is my greatest prayer. I know my God is a God of perfect will who will reveal to me His glory in His time. I pray for patience as I give Him thanks for sustaining me for another week.
God may not react like I would have Him but He will always be true to the words in His Book and in them I can put my complete and total trust. So keep praying for me and I will keep trusting Him.
In Him,
Janice.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Second Round 05/10/2010 Dad
Today started the second round of Janice's chemo. She has been really good the past few days and I hated to see her get her legs kicked out from under her again, but such is the world of chemo. We were surprised and a bit discouraged when they told us the blood test showed a low white cell count and they were questioning whether or not to do the chemo treatment today. Every chemo patient wants to stay on schedule in order to get through in the expected time frame. Prov. 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, ...and He will direct your paths." I didn't feel much like trusting the Lord today, but He didn't leave me much choice. And, of course, He came through again. The doctor decided it wasn't that bad and to go ahead with the treatment. Then we found out her potassium level was low and we needed to get a perscription for potassium pills. The story of Walgreens and the potassium pills is another whole story that I will not bore you with now. For those of you who are praying, here is the requests: 1) That the white cell count will come up and not be a problem, and that she can stay on schedule. They said the fact that it is a problem so early in treatment means it will probably continue to be. But our Lord can fix that with no effort at all. 2) That Janice will be protected from infection, which is the problem with the white cells being down.
"He will not be afraid of evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."
Guess I need to quit getting so shook over those evil tidings. The cancer battle seems to have a fair share of them. Thanks again for the prayers. You guys are the fuel for the battle.
Kent
"He will not be afraid of evil tidings;
His heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord."
Guess I need to quit getting so shook over those evil tidings. The cancer battle seems to have a fair share of them. Thanks again for the prayers. You guys are the fuel for the battle.
Kent
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