My pseudo sister, Debra, is currently in a “Surviving the Holidays” Grief Share class and on her prompting I am writing this letter to my friends and family to help you understand where I may be coming from during this holiday season.
As I have been on the perimeter of this great loss, many of you may not fully understand the depth of sadness I feel and why. Janice was not only my absolute best friend and person I turned to for advice but she was my Bakersfield Mom. In her eyes (and mine) I was family and I never felt anything less. She incorporated my family into every holiday and every day get together as if we were her very own. I would enjoy watching her give to others, knowing she was training me for the same. Thus as this first Thanksgiving/Christmas season without her is upon us, I find it difficult to feel joy. While I understand the true meaning of the season is the birth of our glorious Savior, the everyday joy is truly hard to feel. There is a big hole this holiday season. I don’t really feel like singing or celebrating or setting up the tree or decorating or even pretending to be excited. Most days I feel like crying (and I do) because a huge part of my life is missing. I cry for my pseudo family: Debra, Lisa, Kristi and Dad (and their families) the most, but I also cry for my children and myself and the deep loss that we feel. While I may not feel like singing and celebrating, you will see me moving forward attempting to find and remember the joy that Janice found in the season primarily for my children. However, please know that if you see me down or even with tears in my eyes, I really don’t need your words that she is in a better place or I will see her again - I already know - I just need your understanding, your continued prayers for the Scott family and maybe if you think about it for mine, and a hug or two along the way. Thank you for being there and understanding.
Jennifer
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